it’s a hard-knock life

So we’ve had Curie for almost a week and we totally lucked out. She’s the goodliest pup ever, always following us around the house, protecting us from impending danger (other dogs at the dog park) by unleashing her “ferocious” bark, and providing us with something to pet (her body) when our fingers are craving something soft to pinch (that’s probably more me than Ben).

But after 6 days of observation, there are a few things I do not envy about miniature Schnauzers. What I mean is…I personally would not want to be a Zwergschnauzer. “But dogs have it sooo good!” you say. “They get free food that magically appear in bowls every morning, free treats that taste like a million bits of bacon squeezed into one pellet, free health care, excessive pets on the back just because of the way they look, a whole house to explore when their masters are gone, toys to chew on (humans don’t even get that unless you’re under two years of age) and best of all, they have human friends who pick up their poo DAILY. Wow!

Well, here’s why I think it would be hard to be Curie:

1) She is a female dog with a BEARD. Not only does she sport a beard but also a bushy mustache and white eyebrows. Kinda like Gandalf. What does that do to a female dog’s self confidence? Does it make her feel ugly? Masculine? Silly? Proud? Is that why she looks away from the mirror in muted defeat? We’ll never know.

2) Curie can never know the sweet, creamy savoriness of Nutella…the hazelnut spread invented by some saint. She can’t eat chocolate period! Last night, Ben and I were indulging on Nutella spread over slices of bread and although my mouth felt wonderful, I looked down at Curie who looked up at me with pleading eyes and I thought “I am SO SORRY you are stuck with bacon bits.” I mean, sure bacon tastes great. But comparing Nutella to bacon is like comparing The Cheesecake Factory to Sizzlers. I guess ignorance is bliss.

3) Because she’s a miniature Schnauzer, she will never be the big dog OR the small dog. She’s just kind of stuck. The first time we took her to the dog park, she was the runt of the group. The other dogs were HUGE! Trampling over her and sniffing her up and down, trying to figure out how they could use her as a toy. She could probably drown in their drool. The second day, she was the biggest one! All the other pups were puny…Dachshunds no bigger than an over-sized hot dog. Curie, I am sorry you will never know what it’s like to carry a battered tennis ball in your mouth. The ball is probably the same size as your little face.

4) When we adopted Curie, she came with a docked tail and clipped ears (which her previous owners did on their own…shame on them!!) I love her nubby tail actually…when she’s happy it barely wiggles back and forth and I can’t stand how cute it is! Oh but those ears. Ben has already started calling her Batman and THAT can’t be helping her self esteem. Plus everyone who runs into her calls her a “he.” But she is a handsome pup! Probably why that large dog started humping her yesterday.

5) Humping. I would feel like crap getting humped by random strangers (girls AND guys) in public. It sucks even more when they’re four times your size. Plus all that butt sniffing and licking would make me kinda queasy. Curie’s daily routine at the park includes the following: sniff butts, avoid getting humped, run away from mammoth dogs who are chasing her for FUN, hide under the bench and tremble for a few seconds, run out and don’t get drooled on, repeat 1-5.

But all in all, we try to make Curie’s life as comfortable as possible. We don’t know what experiences shes had with previous owners, but hopefully we’re an improvement. Last night Ben tried teaching her a new trick (he says “Bang!” and she’s supposed to drop dead…if done right she gets a treat). He did this for a whole hour and I couldn’t help but admire his persistence. He’s so determined to teach her new tricks, help her remember her name, take care of her health and he even seems glad to pick up her poo. I’m not at home nearly as much as Ben is and I feel like I’m missing out on some stuff…but I know she’s in the best of hands and I always look forward to coming home to my babies! And Curie…about that beard. At least you don’t look like this guy :)


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