I realize that my last post was published on the 9th. What is that…like 18 days ago? Mr. Dalton, you were right to send me those reminder-texts. Where have I BEEN?!@#%
Possible answers: Working to put fast food on the table, watching period films on Netflix 2-5 hours a night, facebook-stalking people I don’t even care about and sewing stuffed owls (not stuffing owls…there’s a considerable difference). Yes, I’ve become a one-woman factory you see, spewing out stuffed owls left and right with my “swift”, nimble Asian fingers (so far amounting to three) in an attempt to sell them on Etsy (but I’ll elaborate on that more in the next blog entry). Just know that I’m alive and well, doing what I always do. Like any other able-bodied American, I’ve been tackling laundry one colorful mountain at a time. Mothering three babies (two schnauzers, one full-grown man). Reading heaps and heaps of literature (2-3 sentences a night). And most incessantly craving Tandoori Oven’s Chicken Tikka Masala with naan like a wild pregnant woman.
But alas, here are just a few new updates on the humdrum routine I call life:
1) Curie has discovered used Q-tips. She chews on them excitedly, breaking them up into many slobbery pieces only for me to have to recollect them :( But it is an improvement from her panty-stealing.
2) Voltaire’s been bewitched by our tantalizing shoe rack. Sometimes a slipper goes missing. The shoelaces on my sneakers mysteriously come undone. Husband, I’m sorry to inform you but it looks like we have a schnauzer with a SHOE FETISH. What will happen if I can’t find my work shoes one morning, hmm? Will I be forced to call in “sick”? (mehehehe, fingers crossed).
3) Ben has forsaken Halo Reach and is having an affair with Minecraft.
4) I’ve begun costume shopping! I even watched the film Chaplin (starring Robert Downey Jr.) as a sort of background research. Did you know that Chaplin married his fourth (and final) wife when he was 54 and she was only 18? Then they had EIGHT kids together. Ew :( I liked it better when I knew him as just a funny man with a funny stache…
5) Voltaire has found a new hiding spot. Under our bed. He thinks no one can see him when half of his lower body (butt, legs and tail) are sticking out completely. I pretend he isn’t there to make him feel better (it’s funny to watch Curie try and join him even though she can’t fit in certain spots because, in truth, she’s fat).
6) Voltaire has a new found respect for doggy life after he got his neck cone removed last week from being neutered. To be honest, I lived in fear for seven days. Afraid that at any moment, Voltaire would turn his head abruptly and smack me in the face with his plastic extension in the middle of the night (it happened on multiple occasions). Afraid that my calves would get cut and bruised every time he greeted me excitedly at the door (it happened). Afraid he would trip or injure himself while ascending/descending the stairs because that stupid Edwardian neck piece would get caught at every step or block his vision (it happened…poor guy). But the seven day mourning period ended and he was finally free! Only to have Ben drench him in a jolting shower…
Other than the six things mentioned above, nothing erratically new has happened. No, I am not pregnant. No, we are not getting a third schnauzer. Yes, I actually finished a book and have good feelings towards it! Yes, I am steadily gaining weight. No, I haven’t learned how to cook a decent meal :( And yes, Ben is finally turning 23 this Saturday October 2. We will be equals again!